Seems like I spent most of my life looking for something. Sounds absurd when I write it down but it's the truth. Some of my earliest memories are of me doing things to get attention. I was always looking for attention. I guess I thought if someone was giving me attention it meant they cared about me. I was easy prey for someone with dishonorable intentions and I suffered for it in the years to come. Things so horrible that I still can't bring myself to share and may never be able to. Anyway ,that's not where I wanted this blog to go today so moving on.....
If I was sick I made it into a life threatening illness. I remember once in my early teens having a cold and passing it off as the flu. I went a few days without eating and living on grape juice and Pepsi even though I was starving. Of course, this illness coincided with my momma having a new boyfriend. She had just gotten rid of a stepfather I couldn't stand and I was afraid she was about to do the same thing all over again. Momma was pretty set in her ways and she was pretty good at seeing through fake bouts of flu. She didn't let my latest scheme get in the way of her life and she continued on with her new relationship. As for me, I guess the steady diet of grape juice and Pepsi worked a miracle because I recovered in time for the Friday night football game.
It took me a long time to realize that you cannot manipulate life or the people in your life. Oh, you can make good choices, get a good education, and live a good moral life that you can be proud of. Those are things you do to go along with whatever fate sends your way. You will never be able to make someone love you if they don't, you can never bring someone back from the dead, and the chances of you hitting the lottery are not much better than those of raising the dead.
I'd like to say that I'm no longer "looking" for something in life but that would be a complete fabrication. I can say I'm content with the loves of my life, my family, and that they love me unconditionally as I do them. I haven't been afflicted with a bad case of "fake flu" or any other attention seeking illness in a long time. I do still have days where I feel like I'm alone, unaccomplished, and sometimes I feel like an absolute failure. Those rare days are the one that motivate me the most to keep looking.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
"Operation End Soaps"
I am not the least bit embarassed to admit that I have watched a soap opera or two in my time. I have learned so many things from soaps that I've been able to apply to my own life and it is my feeling that soaps are a necessary ingredient in a recipe for a happy life. It is a tragedy that, there is at this very moment, a campaign to bring an end to soap operas. I am not overreacting!! This is a serious problem with the potential to damage many lives in the future.
One of my grandkids once called me a drama queen. So what if I like a little excitement? A crisis is a crisis whether large or small, and there is nothing wrong with a little or a lot of carrying on. Not that I do...carry on, that is.
You can imagine the come apart I had when networks started cancelling soaps that had been on the air for longer than I've been on the earth. It was devastating when "The Guiding Light" was the first show to hit the chopping block. Reba was like a sister to me and I had been in love with Josh most of my adult life. I never could decide if I was happier when they were together or apart. And that Alan Spaulding, just when I decided he had sunk to the lowest low, he would up and do something so nice that I wondered how I could ever doubt him. Oh how I miss the Spauldings, Shanes, Lewises and the rest of the "Guiding Light" gang.
"As the World Turns" stopped turning a short time later, replaced with a talk show. A talk show with female hosts? REALLY? Who watches that kind of stuff? If I want to listen to women talk I just call Rachael or a friend, someone who's opinion actually matters to me. I really place no value on Hollywood's views on clothing, child rearing, marriage, politics, other celebrities, or anything else for that matter. I was much happier trying to figure out solutions for my tv family in Oakdale. I have aquired a fair amount of confidence in my problem solving skills which are still intact thanks to the "Young and Restless" and "The Bold and Beautiful".
I strongly suspect that network execs are sequestered in a fancy room somewhere at this very moment working out a deal to end all soaps and replace them with more asinine game shows and ridiculous talk shows. I think it's a conspiracy to force stay at home moms and dads into the workplace or the marketplace to avoid another boring day at home. It makes perfect sense, working, shopping, stimulating the economy and paying taxes. I wouldn't be suprised to learn that the government has it's hand in "Operation End Soaps". I didn't spend 10 years learning how to be a detective with Tad Martin and Paul Williams for nothing.
One of my grandkids once called me a drama queen. So what if I like a little excitement? A crisis is a crisis whether large or small, and there is nothing wrong with a little or a lot of carrying on. Not that I do...carry on, that is.
You can imagine the come apart I had when networks started cancelling soaps that had been on the air for longer than I've been on the earth. It was devastating when "The Guiding Light" was the first show to hit the chopping block. Reba was like a sister to me and I had been in love with Josh most of my adult life. I never could decide if I was happier when they were together or apart. And that Alan Spaulding, just when I decided he had sunk to the lowest low, he would up and do something so nice that I wondered how I could ever doubt him. Oh how I miss the Spauldings, Shanes, Lewises and the rest of the "Guiding Light" gang.
"As the World Turns" stopped turning a short time later, replaced with a talk show. A talk show with female hosts? REALLY? Who watches that kind of stuff? If I want to listen to women talk I just call Rachael or a friend, someone who's opinion actually matters to me. I really place no value on Hollywood's views on clothing, child rearing, marriage, politics, other celebrities, or anything else for that matter. I was much happier trying to figure out solutions for my tv family in Oakdale. I have aquired a fair amount of confidence in my problem solving skills which are still intact thanks to the "Young and Restless" and "The Bold and Beautiful".
I strongly suspect that network execs are sequestered in a fancy room somewhere at this very moment working out a deal to end all soaps and replace them with more asinine game shows and ridiculous talk shows. I think it's a conspiracy to force stay at home moms and dads into the workplace or the marketplace to avoid another boring day at home. It makes perfect sense, working, shopping, stimulating the economy and paying taxes. I wouldn't be suprised to learn that the government has it's hand in "Operation End Soaps". I didn't spend 10 years learning how to be a detective with Tad Martin and Paul Williams for nothing.
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