I Found the Key......Now What?????

I've just finished reading a book that is so far over my head that I had to constantly google words for definitions just to be able to understand what I was reading. Why? You might ask? I wanted to challenge myself and expand my intellectual capabilities. Okay, so that's a lie.

I'm not going to tell you why I read the book. The important thing is I'm pretty darn proud of myself for muddling through it and finishing with a better understanding of the many different religious customs, rituals and beliefs throughout the world. I was in awe of the devotion that some of the people I was reading about showed their God. During the times when I was at my best it did not compare to their worst. Prayer many times throughout the day, good deeds done at every available opportunity, helping hands extended regularly, worship services not only attended but anticipated, self denial, diet restrictions all in the name of religion were just a few of the things I read about in this book. I was exhausted by their efforts to please their God and disgusted with my lack of effort.

As ashamed as I am to admit it I have done a little backsliding lately which is evident given I began this post with a lie. It's not something I planned or ever thought was possible. There was a time that if Sunday work was unavoidable I would get up and go to work in the wee hours of the morning so I could be finished in time for worship services. Now I am ready for any excuse not to be present.

Isn't it funny how something can make an impact on our life when we least expect it?
Somehow between all the googling for definitions and the struggle to understand the words written in this book I found cause to examine my own beliefs. This book was not one that I would have ever read. In fact, I would not pay attention to it in the bookstore unless it was accidentally shelved in the romance section at Books a Million and I needed to move it in order to reach the latest SEP book (that's Susan Elizabeth Phillips for all of non romance readers). Somehow through an unexpected chain of events the book landed in my hands and I was agreeing to read it. Regardless of how I got it, I'm happy I did. When I say I got it I mean more than just getting the book and reading it I mean I actually got IT!

They key to enlightenment may unlock a door but it is still useless unless you open the door and go in. My key is laying on the table I'm still working on actually using it to open the door.

Grab Your Rake and Sing Along

Being a parent has been a privilege God blessed me with and to this day I don't know if I am worthy of the children he gave me. I'm thankful for my kids, the two that I gave birth to and the two that I got when I married my husband. What an empty life it would be without the four of them and their families.

One of my dearest customers stopped by today for a donation for the leukemia walk taking place soon in Florence. We talked about her son who has been in remission for some time now. With tears in her eyes she spoke about the day her son was diagnosed with leukemia and the treatments he underwent to get to where he is today... cancer free and helping others with the disease. What an inspirational story!

Things are not picture perfect here at the Tate house. There is a fair amount of bickering and a few knock down drag outs. Sometimes we get mad and barely speak. Some of us are jealous and hold grudges for long periods of time and that's just me talking about the grown ups in the family. I won't even start on the children. But one thing is for sure through it all and even when we say we don't.... we do love each other in our own way. All it takes to realize that is a conversation like I had today .

I spent years trying to force our two families to blend into one big happy family. I thought that I could make everyone love each other and me as much as I loved each of them. That was an epic failure (stole that from the teens on fb). It took me some time but now I realize that things like love and acceptance happen in their own sweet time. I can't control that anymore than I can control the weather. If either were under my control we would all be raking leaves right now and singing Kumbayah.

As difficult as it is for me because I'm a fixer...oh alright, I'm a tiny bit controlling, I am leaving things alone and hoping it works out. If it happens then, epic unfailure (thought that one up on my own. It's the opposite of epic failure). I accept that we are never going to be the Brady Bunch but that's okay because I couldn't afford to pay Alice's salary, anyway.

"THE BOX"

I'm about to share something that I've never told anyone. I have this special thing. I call it my box. It has 4 walls that are the same height as me, they have grown with me though the years. It fits directly over me with a ceiling just above my head. The walls are clear like glass but not made of glass. They don't shatter and they don't break. When I'm in my box nothing can penetrate it's walls to harm me.

I discovered the box when I was very young. Something terrible happened that I hated and that I didn't understand, that was when the box first came. It covered my entire body, a perfect fit, as if it was custom made just for me. The box came a lot during that period of my life. Then the terible thing went away and the box didn't come as often. I guess I didn't need for it to be there as much.

When I am in the box pain can't come in or at least it can only come in a little at a time. Only in manageable amounts would be an accurate discription. If you saw me while I was in the box you would never know it. It's not something others can see or feel. It's only concern is me.

I would best describe being in the box as being aware, yet being closed off from whatever is happening. For instance, pretend like someone is throwing rocks at you and you want them to stop but you don't know how to make that happen. The box can't stop the rock throwing but it can stop the pain that the rocks inflict as they hit you body.

The box also helps in other ways. Again, pretend you're having serious problems with a spouse, family members or someone very close to you. Nothing you say or do is right and you have reached the end of the rope. The box comes. It will surround you and close you off to whatever hurtful thing is going on. Honestly I don't know how I would have made it in life if not for the box.

This is where everyone is shaking their head or rolling their eyes, thinking this chick has completely lost her mind. NOT TRUE! It is because of the box that my mind is just fine. I think it is something God blessed me with and I'm also thinking if I have it someone else does, too.

Home

My granddaughter, Caraline, was excited to show off her newly pierced ears the other day. She danced around pointing to the sparkling pink stones in her ears, "Look, Nanny, I got my ears pierced".

I remember my first attempt to have my ears pierced. I didn't have the money to get them done professionally so my Aunt Reeder Faye, volunteered her services free of charge. I was so ecstatic that she was kind enough to offer that I forgot to ask about the "do it yourself at home piercing procedure".

I walked through the front door of my aunt's home expecting to leave the same way but wearing beautiful new earrings. I calmly perched on her kitchen countertop while she held ice cubes on either side of my earlobe to deaden the area so there would be less pain when the actual piercing took place. It was uncomfortable but I perservered dreaming of dazzling ears. Finally, my aunt determined the popsicles that were once my earlobes were ready to be pierced. I waited anticipating the moment when she would hand me the mirror to admire her handiwork.

She reached behind me and drew out a needle that was longer than her little finger and as big around as the Winston cigarettes my momma loved to smoke. "Whoa, wait a minute! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING," I screamed, as I ran out the back door and down the hill, across the highway until I reached a place where there were no lunatic aunts yielding giant needles with plans to stab young girls in the ear. Home, sweet home.

I'm not running from anyone these days and home is a different place. One thing remains the same, I still feel safer when I'm home than any where else in the world.

Skip the Worry and Enjoy the Punch

My dad was laid to rest 45 years ago in the cemetery behind the Centerhill Church of Christ. I believe he was the first of many in my family to be buried there. I can still remember parts of his funeral especially the sound of taps being played by a bugler, the firing of rifles and the flags.

Throughout my life I have visited daddy's gravesite many times but one particular time stands out in my mind. I was a young girl probably around than 6 or 7 years old. It was my first visit to the cemetery since learning to read. I was standing by my daddy's grave reading the inscriptions on his tombrock when I discovered my daddy's name was not the only name engraved there. I was stunned to see momma's name right there on the gray marble next to his.

"Momma, what is your name doing there?" I asked her.

"That's where I'll be buried when I die," She answered.

"But momma, you ain't gonna die."

"Well, I reckon I will someday. Everybody's gonna die one of these days," she bluntly replied. No sugar coating for momma, she laid it all on the line.

Waves of shock shot through my body. That was the day I realized that everybody would one day go to meet their maker. It wasn't that I was worried about meeting my maker. I just didn't want my momma going off to meet hers. Who would make Koolaid and buy Apple Jacks for my brothers and me?

That was more years ago than I care to remember and as most of you know, momma is still here. She hasn't made Koolaid in a long time but she makes a mean bowl of punch for our annual Christmas open house. People come by the shop every year on the first Saturday in November to get a glass of her punch.

I wish I could rewind life to that day in the cemetery. I would tell the young girl that I was, not to worry about momma going anywhere anytime soon.
Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a rewind or fast forward button. Worrying about tomorrow is just wasting today and there are better ways to pass the time like sipping on a glass of momma's special punch.

Catching Up on "50 Before 50"

I have been busy thinking of things to add to my list of "50 before 50". I can strike 3 things off with only 47 to go.
1. Seven Days of the "Pledge of Allegiance" - done
2. Become a volunteer - done
3. Kiss a man with a mullet - done

Yay me, way to go.
In the coming months I plan to:
4. Get a manicure - something I've never done.
5. Try sushi for the first time
6. Walk on the beach in winter (already in the works)
7. Make a scrapbook (thanks, Anne)
8. Write a letter to Donnie Osmond
9. Visit the Cowboy Church
10. Enter some type of amateur writing contest

I am creating a fun list full of adventure and new opportunities for myself. Life is full of opportunities, sometimes they happen when you least expect them to without provocation and sometimes like now, as I'm doing with my list you have to make it happen. It remains true, at least for me, the best opportunities of all are the ones that you give to someone else.

Well, Hello September

Happy September! I am glad to see August get behind me. If I could rearrange the seasons we would have 5 months of fall, 1 month of really cold, snowy winter, 5 months of spring and 1 month of summer. I do love and look forward to the fall season.
I especially enjoy when the trees are clothed in the many different colors of fall. I love the mixture of rich orange, red, gold, yellow, olive and even the brown hues that fall brings each year. The amazing part is that the colors are never exactly the same. As much as I admire the decorations used by my friends and neighbors in their front yards here in North Alabama each fall, none compare to God's beautiful fall designs.
When I was a child fall meant it was time for the fair to come to town. Early on we picked cotton to have spending money for the fair. Unfortunately, I wasn't much of a cotton picker so I enjoyed the fair on a shoestring budget. I can still smell the corndogs frying. The taste of an original hot, crispy, batter coated weiner on a stick from the fair was something my children never got to experience. Oh, corndogs are still for sale at the fair but, somewhere along the line corndogs got modernized or something and the taste factor went out the door. During those days cotton candy was only for sale when the fair was in town. There were no plastic tubs of the sweet fluffy treat for sale at local stores. Cotton candy was always on my list of thing to purchase at the fair along with a candy apple.
Other attractions at the fair included livestock which I skipped, we had that at home.I did look forward to a spin on the tilt a whirl and a couple of other rides. I never ventured into the haunted house or anything that might frighten me. I hated being scared. I watched from the sidelines as other brave children boarded the tiny carts for a ride through the dark tunnel. I envied their brave nature but never enough to climb in a cart and take the trip myself.
I saw a billboard announcing George Jones will be performing at the fair in Lawrenceburg, TN this year. I imagine that will draw a few of the old timers out to see the show and enjoy the fair. Even though, it sounds like a great time I think I'll make my own premade frozen corndog, pop the lid off a tub of cotton candy to enjoy while I sit in the front yard and watch the leaves change colors.