"goodbye.....HELLLOOOO"

It's been a difficult month filled with goodbyes. Goodbyes to friends, one passed away suddenly and one who needed to be let go. Goodbye to a Thanksgiving traditions and goodbye to a big Christmas tree. Changes have come my way and along with it the painful realization that I cannot control how other people think and act. Gasp!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I did think I had some amount of control over the people in my life.

It's been hard to accept that a long time friendship has ended, even though I think I knew it would eventually happen. I made friends with a person who was so stinking much fun to be around and talk to. We spent hours on the phone giggling like school girls and I needed that kind of outlet. I was working long hours, had just went through a difficult time with some family members and I needed someone in my life to laugh with, confide in and just be plain silly with. Unfortunately, we don't share the same values and she has a lifestyle so different from mine that to continue our friendship was impossible. I still care for her and wish her the very best, but good bye is the best thing for me and my family.

Thanksgiving table was missing some of the most important people in my life. I was heartbroken but I understand as my children's families grow and change, they are going to want to do their own thing. I'm just going to have to learn to accept that what's best for me, may not be what's best for everyone else. So fly away my little turkeys (thought turkeys would be appropriate instead of birds....you know Thanksgiving and all that) and enjoy your own lives. I don't want to hold anyone back or cause anyone to feel bad. Goodbye, Thanksgiving tradition, I may not like it but I've disliked other things and survived. I expect to recover from this terrible turkey day and go on to celebrate many more but without expectations from anyone.

Ahhh, next the Christmas tree.....yes, it was so hard not fill half my tiny living room with a Christmas tree, as I have in years past. I've finally come to terms with the fact that bigger is not better if you can't walk in the room without bumping into the tree or a piece of furniture, besides I'm growing quite fond of the 6 foot pencil tree. I am .....I REALLY AM! On the upside my husband loves it. So goodbye big Christmas tree.....I think we may meet again one merry Christmas season.

And most important of all, goodbye Gina. May you find the peace and happiness you deserve, in a house filled with joy, with a father who loves us all.

Goodbyes are not always easy but they are a necessary part of life. Get over it, get on with it! Don't close the book, begin a new chapter with a loud, welcoming, "HELLLLOOOO".

Christmas Time's A Coming

Christmas times a coming! I would give anything for one more Christmas with grandmother. Oh, how I loved that woman. There are times when I close my eyes as tight as I possibly can and try very hard to remember those happy times, when we would all gather at grandmother and granddaddy's for that magical day. The table and counter tops running over with food, presents were piled high under grandmother's tree, cousins running in all directions bragging about their big scores from Santa earlier that morning.  Everything needed for a happy holiday could be found at grandmothers.

It was during one of those Christmas seasons, that grandmother decided she needed a fireplace to create a more festive environment. Grandmother was  strong capable woman but, I doubt that she could have constructed a fireplace in the middle of the living room and I'm pretty sure granddaddy was quite happy with the furnace that provided heat for their home. That was the year we were all introduced to fireplace in a box, constructed of cardboard and easy to assemble. The brick colored cardboard pieces came together to form the perfect fireplace for those not blessed with the real thing. An added bonus was the box it came in, which created an imaginary car just the right size for grandmother and my cousin, Phillip, who was the baby of the family. We all laughed as she sat in the middle of the living room floor in a box, with a baby in her lap, pretending to drive away. She was not at all upset that the box had upstaged her "new" fireplace, in fact she was delighted with the attention and laughter she created with her cardboard car.

I can see now that all grandmother really wanted was for her family to be happy and she was blessed with the gift of knowing how to make that happen. Our entire family was blessed to have had her, even if she was only ours for a short time. Over the years the family has grown bigger and apart, we don't celebrate Christmas as a family but we still love each other, respect each other and wish each other the very best, not just during the holidays but year round. Grandmother gave us a beautiful foundation and each of us has either built our own cardboard fireplace for our families to gather around or a sturdy cardboard box card to race around the living room. Either way, I think grandmother is looking down from Heaven with a smile on her face and love in her heart.

Happy holidays to the entire Holden clan! Aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews....you are all gathered round the Christmas tree in my heart!