Your Place or Mine

Places. Belonging. Important. There should be a place in this world for everyone. It is such a sad world when people hurry around to get to places where they don't want to be or don't feel they belong and never feel important when they get there.

Some people want everything out of life and some people just want to get through life. Either way it should never be so bad that anyone chooses to leave because they can't find their place. It's too bad we're not given a kit at birth. A kit containing a plan to follow with instructions telling us where to go, what to do and most importantly, how to get there. There would be a fix-it plan for those who occasionally get off track. An instruction manual with do's and don'ts.

The kit could include instructions that some people would follow to the T. But there would be people like myself, who would constantly be wandering around lost. What's the answer for those of us who couldn't find our place if our life depended on it? A personal guide, a tracking device that beeps at every wrong turn, maybe one of those cattle prod things that produces a little shock for the errant individual. Hmmm, I do not like being shocked. It would take the more aggressive approach to keep me on track.

Someone blocks your path, refer to manual. Path blockers are the worst, some are lost like you and some are just downright mean. Lose your way in life? Don't waste time with someone who is standing there blocking your path. Think about it! If they're on your path in the first place, they're lost, too. Seriously, how can someone help you find your way, when they're wandering around on your path in the first place. They're just as lost as you are, unless they're there to purposely point you in the wrong direction. Yes, a section on path blockers would be needed in the instruction manual.

Just getting lost, your thing? The kit would include a little thing called compassion. Everyone should get some. Some people need more than others, but that's ok. As long as everyone gets enough of it to lend a helping hand, point others in the right direction, and just be there to offer support when someone else is so lost they are considering leaving this world by their own hand. Being lost gives us something to look forward to....being found.

Trust me when I say, I KNOW! I know what it's like not to belong. I know what it feels like to feel insignificant and unimportant. I know what it feels like to hurt alone and be ashamed. I know what it feels like to lose control and be afraid you can't get it back. I know all of these things and more. But, I also know there is a place for me in this world and there's one for you, too. I'll find mine and if you haven't found yours, you will. From time to time you may feel a little jolt of electricity. Don't worry about it, it's just a gentle prod nudging you in the right direction. Just change paths, follow your heart and remember that compassion thing needs to be used every day or you lose it. Find your place!

From 30 to 50....In No Time Flat

    This new generation of young adults just do not get it. Wait, did I just make reference to a younger generation? Hard to read what I just wrote. When I was the age of the younger generation I referred to, I thought I would be forever young. Bet some of these 30 somethinger's do not realize that they are driving a race car in the fast lane to 50 and they still have a lot to learn before they get there. Open your minds and your hearts boys and girls. You may be grown but you ain't all that...not yet! And even when you think you are....you're not.
   Getting back to the statement I made about young adults who don't get it. I'm referring to attitudes...I have seen some bad ones from some grown men and women. You can't tell some of them anything because (God Bless 'em) they know everything. I thought that was a teen affliction but apparently, it's carrying over into adulthood. Respect and honor for older family members and friends are lost, just as I am about to reach an age to collect them.
    I don't want to be too hard on the young folk because in all honesty, they may not be 100% at fault. They have so much information available to them that they cannot help but think they are smarter than they actually are. Everybody has a laptop, smart phone or tablet and the answer to any question is only a google away. Which is why I am taking time to compile a list for the young folk/old folk protocol. I thought a list (I love making lists) would be a helpful aid to others....not for myself or because I am in the process of transitioning into the old folks category.
    It's risky business, list making, there's always a chance I might get it wrong but I am determined to try. So here I go........


1. Never, ever, ever intentionally make momma, daddy, grandmother, granddaddy feel less than they are. In fact, do the opposite make them feel more than they are. Don't forget they are the reason YOU ARE.


2. Dear young folk, you may have read it, therefore you know it. Don't forget some of us older folks lived it, therefore we know it better.


3. You don't have to call us ma'am and sir. Just call us.


4. Don't waste precious time telling us what we did wrong. If we've lived past 50....chances are we know and we regret it. 


5. Don't act like our advise is wrong and unwanted even if it is. Keep in mind that one day you may be giving unsolicited bad advise with the best of intentions.


6. When you're driving remember you're sharing the roads with older folks. Don't blow your horn at slow drivers,  save your dirty looks for the mirror, and keep your hands and middle fingers on the wheel.


7. Sometimes older folks (ladies more than men) forget their age when getting dressed. Don't stare...remember in a few years this could be you or your spouse. Older folk always look nice (especially ladies).


8. You've heard that story before. So what! There may come a day when you would give anything to hear it one more time.


9. Respect us. We need that. We made it this far....that counts for something!


10. Love us. We don't have to be the most important thing in your life.... for you to be the most important thing in ours.

The Tree

I can still remember how it felt to climb the tree in granddaddy's yard. I was afraid to climb too high but I managed to grab hold of the lowest branch with both hands and march upwards on the tree trunk until I was able to pull myself into a sitting position on the branch. Sometimes if I was feeling particularly brave, I would go one branch higher to reach the best seat in the yard. It was a great place to spy on family, think about problems, or my favorite thing....pretend to be somebody else going somewhere else.


Granddaddy, my Uncle Frank and my Uncle Sonny were well known auto mechanics in the Centerhill area. All kinds of people with sick cars, trucks, an occasional tractor often showed up at granddaddy's. Either he or one of the uncles would work their magic and get them back on the road. People came and went and I watched while perched on a branch in a tree in granddaddy's yard.


I began my lifelong career as a drama queen right smack dab in the middle of a tree. It was my thinking place. I would think about whatever problem I was struggling with whether it was a bad grade, issues with friends from school or something more serious like a kitchen that was completely out of RC Cola's. I would reflect on days past, play different scenario's out in my head and think of snappy comebacks that I couldn't think of earlier in the day ( then I prayed for another opportunity to use them). I worried about things from minor to major. Everything was a groundbreaking, life changing, earth shaking, woe is me kind of big deal! I spent a lot of time thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more while sitting on that tree branch in the tree in granddaddy's yard.


Sometimes I would climb up, sit on the branch, lean back into the solid trunk of the tree and let my mind go where my body would never go. I was a dancer, a singer, an actress, a lawyer, a princess. I flew on airplanes, was filthy rich, ate at fancy restaurants, took vacations, had my own apartment all while sitting on a tree branch in granddaddy's yard!


 I still love people watching. I still over-think things and worry (yes! I know it's sinful but I was born that way! SERIOUSLY!). I have reigned in my imagination. It's been at least a month since I pretended to be a princess and these days I am pretty happy being at home. But, I would love to climb that tree one more time, lean back, look out over the property where I grew up and see my granddaddy one more time.

"FB" Spread the Love

Isn't facebook great? It's a place to reconnect with friends from childhood and  keep up with cousins who live out of state or right down the road, lol. I love knowing when someone needs a prayer or when someone has been blessed in a special way (babies, babies and more babies)! I enjoy looking at the pictures of the children of family and friends. I love hearing that someone is in remission from a deadly disease or that a friend who has been ill is on the mend. I grieve when I read of a friend's loss whether it be a parent or other family member. The naughty side of me will admit that I enjoy seeing pictures of former classmates and knowing that they have aged right along with me!

I even like the little sayings and  funny e-cards my friends post. I read one this morning that I really liked. I can't quote it verbatim but it said something along the lines of what a wonderful world it would be if we all spread love as easily as we spread hate. Those words got me to thinking and wondering why anyone would want to spread hate. I have posted a couple of times complaining about a bad shopping trip or maybe a not so great dining out experience. Looking back, I'm not sure it was a good idea to come home while angry or upset and post a negative review. We all have off days and I'm not talking about a day where you don't work. I'm talking about a day when things just go wrong and having another person tell everyone on fb probably just makes it worse. I wouldn't exactly call that kind of post "spreading hate" but I'm sure the businesses I posted about weren't exactly feeling the love.

People use fb for a lot of different reasons. There are the friends that promote their business, brag about their success, the proud parents (guilty), the proud grandparents (guiltier), the sports fanatic (RT), the puppy momma, the look-where-I'm-vacationing (never me), the spreading-the-gospel (a good thing if you live what you preach), the creeper, the happy all-the-time person, the I'm-deeply- depressed person, the minute-by-minute details of my life friend, the do-gooder who wants everyone to know every good thing they do (these people always inspire me to keep my good deeds to myself), the political people ( I usually stay away from those exchanges.... refer to my previous post comparing congress to McDonald's), the soapbox people (yep, me). I don't think you truly know someone until you're friends on fb.

There's another kind of person on fb, the harasser.  It's usually teens or immature young adults who indulge in this behavior but occasionally an older adult will show their true colors. I have an opinion, believe it or not! I think that grown up people should not get on fb and act like members of congress. Stop it with the hate spreading, bad mouthing and the meanness before you make a libelous statement about someone that could land you in a courtroom. Too bad fb doesn't have a momma for all of it's users. Every time a fb user posted something out of line, fb momma would knock on the front door of the offender and lay a green switch across their bottom. Since fb momma and her green switch are a little unrealistic, I have another solution to rid fb of the haters club. You wanna hear it? Unfriend them, don't give them a voice. Shut the haters up and spread the love!

The Free Ketchup Debate

 I am so tired of hearing about the government shutdown. Grown men and women who have the responsibility of overseeing the running of our great nation are acting like toddlers fighting over who gets the next lick on the giant lollipop. I don't understand a lot of what happens in politics. I think politicians work really hard to make sure the average American either doesn't fully understand, or has a complete misunderstanding of what is going on behind the scenes in this beautiful country they all seem bent on destroying.

I wonder what would happen if every employee at McDonald's each chose a fellow employee to form a committee to represent all the burger flippers, french fry fryers and order takers. Then they elected one person as the "Big Burger Guy". Big Burger guy and the burger flipper reps wanted to pass out extra  ketchup but the french fry fryer reps are opposed. They argue and decide the only solution is to close every single McDonald's restaurant. What do you suppose would happen to those representatives? I am pretty simple minded, but I would imagine they would be fired before they could say, "Can I take your order?".

Too bad there is not such a simple solution for America.  Our country is in the hands of people who have forgotten what it feels like to show loyalty to those of us who gave them a voice. America has big problems! I think of all those who died and sacrificed to make this country great and I weep, We have placed our well being in the hands of those whose main concern is their own well being. We should all be concerned for America's best interest. Is there hope for a successful union in Washington? I am far too ignorant to answer that, but I do think that even though America is a pretty old gal....... too old to start over, she is certainly young enough to keep going. We just need some new burger flippers,  french fry fryers, order takers and of course a new "Big Burger Guy" (or gal)! God bless America and those who serve her with a true and loyal heart!

Normal Laughter

Facebook friends often comment about how funny my posts are on the social media site. I an guilty of loving a good laugh, but there is another side to me that I  do not share with everyone. There is a reason for the jokes and the laughter. There are things that I want out of life, some of them silly and some the kind of things everyone wants, but most of all I just want to be normal and secure. Unfortunately, those are the two things that have always been out of reach for me, so laughter has become my way to cope with my failure to obtain those two things.

As a child, I wanted to be like the other  kids with a mommy and daddy. My mom would be active in PTA and daddy would go to work. We would all gather around the dinner table each night and talk about our day. That certainly did not work out for me! Daddy was dead, momma had her hands full trying to take care of my brothers and me. Fortunately for me, I had books and imagination to fill the void and meet my needs. I think those two things are what helped me cope when I was molested. I simply pretended it wasn't happening. It wasn't until many years later, as an adult that I admitted the horrible things occurred during my childhood. To this day, I rarely mention the molestation. I do not want to speak of it, I prefer to pretend it did not happen. My chance to be normal was stolen early in life.

The person who did this unspeakable thing to me left my life before my teen years, and as I mentioned earlier, I pretended it did not happen. I carried on desperately wanting to be like my friends and their families. By this time, I had such a distorted view of what normal was supposed to be!  I realized just how far away it was from where I was and that was when I began taking shortcuts to get to "normal". Pretend you are going on a road trip with a definite destination in mind. Along the way you  tire of traveling so you stop somewhere and  convince yourself you have reached your destination. Finally, you are there!!  Then imagine the despair you feel when you realize you have gone in the wrong direction and are miles from your intended destination. It's hard to pack up your car and hit the road! It's the same way trying to get to normal, I think I'm there and then, BAM! I realize "normal" just up and moved right before I got there.

I have traveled down more wrong roads than I care to remember. I've been beaten down, lifted up. confused, abused, happy, sad and a hundred different other things, but I have never been the one thing that I have always longed for, "normal".  I am declaring war on "normal". If you exist, stop hiding. Come out and fight like a woman!! I am giving up the search, if you want me you know where I am. I'll be the chick laughing in your face.

Skip the Wings and Halo, Pass the Broom and Dust Rag

They say angels have wings and a halo, but I'm here to tell you that I know that is not always the case. Yep, it's true. For the past twenty two years, I have been keeping company with a real live angel. Hear me out before you decide I'm off on another make believe story.... this time it's the truth, I promise.

My angel passed on the wing thing and opted instead for a nice practical broom, which she frequently used inside the house and outside in the front yard. Yes, my angel swept outside. I'm still not making this up. I would never tell a story like this without proof. Other people have witnessed her happily sweeping ninety to nothing, back and forth until the yard was clean, just in case unexpected company show up. Good thing she passed on the wings, they would not have been practical when paired with a broom. Certain things such as wings and brooms just don't mesh.

The halo was  a no-go for her, as well. You  might have guessed it, she chose a dust rag instead. It's truly a good thing I met my angel, otherwise I would have never known that tables were supposed to be dusted underneath and up and down the legs not just on top which is where people generally looked. It is important to clean things that others may not see....I learned that from Betty Laverne Tate.

Laverne left us yesterday. I have spent some time today thinking about the way she lived her life and I realized it was much the way she cleaned her home. She took care of things on the inside as well as the outside. Her outward appearance was very important to her, during her last days when she could barely get around, she insisted on having her hair rolled. She was always neat, clean and ready to greet everyone with a smile. I wish I could find the words to describe that smile, it was a kind of sneaky, almost as if she knew something that no one else did and it had the power to transform a bad day into a good day. It's a given that the inside of Laverne was much like the tables that she dusted over and over, pure and clean with nothing to hide.

I will never be the housekeeper that Laverne was. Most of the time I hide clutter behind closet doors where visitors cannot see, I never sweep my yard and I hope no one ever looks underneath my tables because it would disturb the thriving dust mite community who resides there. I'm gonna get around to cleaning all that one of these days.  The way I live my life could use a good cleaning, too. Thankfully, having had Laverne as a mother-in-law all of these years, has left me with considerable knowledge when it comes to cleaning . I have decided to work toward getting my very own broom and dust rag, especially now that Laverne is looking down from Heaven with a birds eye view of my mess. I want her to be as proud to have had me as a daughter-in- law as I was to have had her as a mother-in-law. Y'all go on now, I'm gonna be just fine.