Death

My experiences with death came early in life. First with the death of my father and a few years later when my much loved Grandmother Holden passed away . Memories of my dad are vague to say the least since I was only 4 when he died. My grandmother is a different story. I could write a book about her.

I remember getting a whipping from my dad for wetting the bed. Don't be outraged on my behalf because this happened back in the days when it was not only acceptable to whip your children but expected. I am certain that at that time my dad did not realize that I could not help waking up in a wet bed. If you have never been a bed wetter then you have no idea how unsettling it is to wake up in a cold wet bed. YUCK! I would have alerted my dad to that fact had he been in the mood to listen to a 4 year old bed wetter in the middle of the night. Please don't feel sorry for me because I was the recipient of an undeserved spanking. I had years of misbehaving without receiving any punishment ahead of me. My dad had only a short time left. I like to think this was fates way of giving my dad a one up on me for all the whippings I would later deserve that he wouldn't be around to administer.

As I said earlier I could write a book about my Grandmother Holden. I recall wonderful gatherings at Grandmother and Grandaddy Holden's home with cousins, aunts and uncles. At one of these gatherings I remember grandmother proudly placing a very unappealing casserole on the table which consisted of some kind of canned tuna concoction with canned biscuits floating on top. I will never forget the look on Granddaddy's face when he asked her "What the devil is that thing?". That casserole is the only bad thing that I remember coming out of my Grandmother Holden's kitchen. To this day I cannot understand why anyone would want to eat hot tuna covered in biscuits but I would gladly consume a large helping on a daily basis if it was prepared by her.

I was married shortly before my 17th birthday and became a mother soon after. Death came calling again and this time it was my young husband, Ricky who answered. Ricky was 21 when he was killed in a car accident and our daughter was a year old. There are no words to describe the devastation I felt in those days following his death. My childish notions of happily ever after were gone. I could not imagine that I would ever be happy again. I behaved so foolishly in the months after he died and it was around that time that I developed feelings of entitlement that stayed with me for years. I felt like the world owed me something for all that had been taken from me and I was ready to collect. How utterly absurd that sounds now. Had I not been quite so focused on myself I might have realized that a lot of people had it much worse than I did.

There have been many other family members that have joined Daddy, Grandmother Holden, and Ricky. Each one of them left a part of them self here for the rest of us to enjoy and cherish. Whether it be a funny memory, a heart warming story or something as trivial as a special recipe I know they are with us and that is a comfort to me.


Last week my daughter had her first experience with the death of someone that she has loved her entire life. Her Granny Burks (Ricky's mother) passed away. I hurt for her but I recognize that she has to come to terms with losing Granny on her own and I have no doubt that she will. Time will pass and that overwhelming sadness will be replaced with fond memories like a bad tuna casserole.

Meanwhile, Granny Burks if you're reading this from Heaven......thanks for all the good times. You were one heck of a woman!!!